The Stupid Crossover Adventure
by Evil Lil' Katbird
Summary: The JL, after a naked Katar Hol, get zapped 'cross time and space in a pointless bit of fiction. Crossover.


The following was written for JLAnimated.com's forums. Recieiving only a lukewarm reception there, I decided it probably has a better home on FF.net. Well, it's stupid, plotless as a story can get while still having a plot, and totally OOC (out of character). And it's as close as I'll ever get to writing a Mary Jane fic (no, not THAT Mary Jane!), as I (kind of) make an appearence. Rah.  
  
So here it is, as originally posted on the forums, grammar and spelling errors in their entirity, pre-fic message intact.  
  
Normally I don't write JL fanfic, even though I love the series and the fanfic it spawns from other people (the recent fanfics here, while I probably haven't commented on them, have been fantastic!). I've written a total of two DC fanfics in my life (one of which I posted here as sillyfic). At any rate, I thought I'd do a pathetic "crossover rambling" involving the JL and some characters I DO write. I really cannot say it's sillyfic, but it is in no way serious. So please don't take it as such.  
  
So anyway, here we go.  
  
"The Stupid Crossover Adventure"  
  
Hawkgirl flew beside Green Lantern over the city of Metropolis. The sky was beautiful, a perfect day for flying. If only they could have been off-duty. Below them, a man ran down the street, an open trenchcoat covering his back but little else of his buck-naked body, screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs. Now, Hawkgirl had seen quite a few things in her time that would classify as odd or even stragne, and she was sure that the Corps member next to her had seen even stranger. But this was just downright freaky. Not because he was naked. And not even because he was seemingly insane. But because he was screaming in Thanagarian and dropping large dark brown feathers every few feet in his attempt to avoid the flying heroes.  
  
Yes. This was most definetly the craziest thing Hawkgirl had ever seen.  
  
"John," Hawkgirl glanced at the man beside her, "I think you may want to call in backup."  
  
Green Lantern looked over at her, unbelieving. "You've got to be kidding me," he said, stunned. "You actually WANT to call backup?"  
  
She sneered at him, displeased, "If that man down there is Thanagarian, there's a very good chance he could overpower not only me, but you as well. Do you really want to risk the chance of you being splattered all over this town before your ring can throw up a force shield?"  
  
"I, uh..." He put a hand to his ear, "Green Lantern to Watchtower..."  
  
Within several minutes, the rest of the JLA (sans J'onn - something about an Oreo sale) hovered above an intersection where the crazy man was currently trying to open the locked trunk of a Volkswagen SuperBeetle with his bare hands. Oddly, he seemed to be succeeding.  
  
"Have you tried to reason with him?" Batman asked.  
  
Green Lantern seemed amused, "We've been having trouble just keeping up with him."  
  
"And," Hawkgirl added, "reasoning with one of my race... Let's just say that our police force doesn't have nagociators."  
  
"Well," Superman puffed his chest out, "we might as well go do something."  
  
The Flash watched as the man finally pried the trunk open - from the wrong side. "And fast."  
  
The heroes decended on the man, who looked up in suprise. Then, from the folds of his trenchcoat, he pulled out a large, archaic mace. With speed that astonished even Superman, he flung it at the Kryptonian. It hit him in the temple, rendering him unconsious. He fell on top of a brand new Pontiac. It's owner did not seem pleased. The others continued at him. Without his weapon, he tried to run...  
  
But he couldn't outrun the strange purple beam that struck not only him, but the Justice League as well. They dissapeared in a flash.  
  
Superman, coming to atop the Pontiac, rolled over and relieved his stomach of the bacon and eggs he'd eaten that morning.  
  
---  
  
In another universe, another timestream, and quite possibly a place where Martians do not have an obsession with anything chocolatey, the League appeared.  
  
...and promtly fell onto the fluffy navy carpet of a high-rise office. While the others who had been flying had enough controll over their flight to stop immdiately, Hawkgirl, with her large wings and birdlike aerodynamics, kept all of her momentum and crashed into the man, sending them both flying back into a hardwood desk. Thankfully, the desk was built back in a time when quiality was appriciated, and it did not break. The force was enough, however, to pull the man free of his trenchcoat. Two huge brown wings were coming from his back, and his handsome features were no longer obscured by the coat's high collar.  
  
Hawkgirl gasped in suprise, "\\Katar?\\"  
  
"\\...to the seven devils with you woman on how you know my name but I-\\" He stopped, and looked at her. REALLY looked at her. He carefully pulled back her mask. "\\Shayera...? MAGPIE!\\" He grabbed her up in a huge bearhug that made her squeal, but she was smiling.  
  
"\\I knew it was one of us, but I had no clue it was YOU!\\" She touched his face, "\\But why were you wrecking everything?\\" She looked down, "\\And why in the seven hells are you NAKED?\\"  
  
"\\I, um... Really don't know. I remember crashing on Earth, then you on top of me- Wait, why AM I naked?\\" He grabbed the trechcoat off the floor, tieing it about himself as he stood, "\\This is worse than a crowsblood hangover.\\"  
  
"Alright, big guy, freeze or I'll shoot!" The Flash stood just beyond them, holding his fingers in a gun possision.  
  
Hawkgirl gave him a look, "I had no idea you were that stupid. And furthermore, I know this man. He's... well, he's most definetly on our side."  
  
"I'm glad that you think so," Wonder Woman said, standing. "If he caused that flash of light, I'd really like to know what it was and where we are!"  
  
"You," a voice called from the door across the room, "are in my office. And I really don't like tresspassers."  
  
---  
  
The gathered heroes barely had time to register the large, blond man standing in the doorway before he raised his hands and twin jets of fire shot at them from his fingertips. They scattered into the office, hiding behind chairs, bookcases, even flowerpots. The fire stopped. The Flash risked peeking his head out from behind a fern. He met noses with a smiling orange tabbycat, which licked him happily on the lips. "What the-?" He picked the cat up by the scruff of the neck. He had just enough time to ponder where the cat had come from before he, himself, found that he was being held in a similar possision by the blond man. The Flash noted that he did not seem happy. Flash wisely dropped the tabby.  
  
"I hope that the rest of you have a good explaination for being here..."  
  
Wonder Woman stood up from behind the desk, "Let me get this straight; you attack us, [i]then[/i] you expect an answer?"  
  
"I've never been one for patience," the man admitted, seeming to calm at the sight of a woman, "and I'll have you know that I had no intention of actually hitting you... Ah, but again, if I may, do you all have an explaination?"  
  
As Batman explained their predicament, Katar turned to Hawkgirl, "\\Should I kill him?\\"  
  
"\\What? No!\\"  
  
"\\Can I at least hit him?\\"  
  
"\\Katar!\\" She scolded.  
  
"...and that's pretty much it, Mr. ...?" Batman held out his hand, questioning.  
  
"Hammond," the man replied. "Now, why don't we all go to someplace a little less, well, mine."  
  
---  
  
"So you're evedently all from another timestream, by these tests I've done..." Dane Whitman, the Black Knight motioned at the computer screen.  
  
"...and we were brought here by a strange purple beam while we were chasing, ah, Carter-"  
  
"Katar!"  
  
"-uh, yes, Katar down the middle of Metropolis," Batman nodded at the other scientist.  
  
"And where exactly is Metropolis?" Hammond asked from his spot on the ledge of the table.  
  
The Flash and Wonder Woman looked at one another. "Heh," Flash grinned uneasily, "that's a good one."  
  
"I'm afraid we're not joking," Whitman turned to the rest, "is this Metropolis a large city in your demension?"  
  
The Leaguers jaws seemed to drop in unison. Katar, for his 'credit', kept his composure only because he hadn't the foggiest idea of what was being said. Batman reached over to Whitman's computer and punched up a map of the US - sure enough, there was no city called Metropolis. And, to the Dark Knight's utter horror, there was no Gotham either. "Most of the major cities we know of - Metropolis, Keystone, Central, even," he paused, "Gotham - don't exist here."  
  
Hammond raised an eyebrow, "That is very strange, Sir, but we're going to need to run more tests..."  
  
"Tests?" Wonder Woman slammed him against the wall, "We just found out that our friends, family - we may never see them again, and you want to run tests?!"  
  
Hammond smiled, suprised at her strength but not injured. "Ma'am," he said calmly, "we can get you home. Don't worry. We just don't want to pass up an opertunity like this. Especially such an, mrrr, attractive one..."  
  
"Gah!" Wonder Woman dropped him quickly, wiping her hands on her costume. "Disgusting little mortal!"  
  
"To be fair," Hammond smirked, "I'm an android, and decidedly not mortal."  
  
"You'll have to excuse Hammond," Whitman stepped between them, "he hasn't gotten play since the Roosevelt administration."  
  
"Eisenhower!"  
  
"Whatever. Look, we'll just run the tests, and then we can send you home."  
  
Batman didn't seem soothed by that. "What about the beam that sent us here?"  
  
"I was wondering about that as well. I found some strange elements on your costumes that are probably residual energy from that beam. Strange, though... It looks somewhat familar..."  
  
---  
  
"\\You think they'll miss us?\\"  
  
"\\Probably not. Katar, Batman may notice a peice of lint from 5 blocks away, but for him to even give his teammates a second glance when they're in the same room...!\\"  
  
"\\Can't be that bad. He's still alive.\\"  
  
"\\Good point. Mmm. Let's just stay here.\\"  
  
"\\Oh, you little sparrow, how did you know closets made me all fluffy?\\"  
  
"\\Shut up and get to work.\\"  
  
---  
  
"It's called Kreil. It's a blue dwarf situated in the center of the Oberon system, just left of Starfox's homeworld," Scott Lang, Ant-Man, explained as he punched up the map onscreen. "Every so often, the force of it's escaping volcanic gasses creates a rift in space-time and they're sent someplace else. In this case, to your demension."  
  
"What does all of that mean?" Flash asked impatiently.  
  
Lang seemed to be holding back a smirk, "You were pulled here by a cosmic fart."  
  
---  
  
"It's called the Demension Smasher. Oracle recently aquired it when we were sent to clean up a chemical spill in the Mojave. Whitman was able to restore it to full working capacity, and we're fairly certain we can send you all home," Hammond motioned to the huge glowing orb and it's machinery that lay before them.  
  
"Well, then, what are we waiting for?" Green Lantern stepped up to it. "Let's go home!"  
  
Wonder Woman let out a sigh of relief. That Hammond thing had been giving her lusty looks ever since they arrived. As much as she was used to men drooling over her, she was a little unnerved that her powers of attraction extended to machines. She looked around, finally noting that Hawkgirl and Katar had arrived. They both looked rather unkempt, and Katar's large wings seemed to be... fluffed? "What happened to you?"  
  
Hawkgirl grinned, scritching Katar behind the ear, "We're just making up for lost time."  
  
"What about John?"  
  
"...Uh, you know, I really haven't thought about it."  
  
"\\Harder, dear.\\"  
  
"I'm sure he'll understand. I mean, Katar and I have been together for years... And John..."  
  
"Will be tossed out like yesterday's trash."  
  
Hawkgirl stopped in her tracks, "Oh." She winced, "Oh."  
  
"\\Little lower. Thanks.\\"  
  
"I'm sure we'll work it out," Hawkgirl looked up to see a smirking Wonder Woman.  
  
"I'm sure you all want to get home..." Whitman began to power up the machine.  
  
Batman nodded, "Do it."  
  
---  
  
The group appeared about ten feet in the air above the same intersection. They all fell sqaurely atop a still recovering Superman, and further antagonized the owner of the Pontiac.  
  
"Oh, thank God we're home!" Flash hopped down off the top of the pile and ran off to Taco Bell.  
  
---  
  
"You know, I'm still curious, how DID Katar get here?"  
  
Batman looked over at Hawkgirl from across the table. They were now all back in the Watchtower, with only Superman worse for wear. "I really have no clue. His memory loss has no reasonable connection to that... beam."  
  
"You're right."  
  
"Who said that?" Superman jumped up from his seat and looked around.  
  
A small black and white... creature... appeared in the center of the table. It looked somewhat like an anthro cat, but its' ears were flat and held back, and it had a pair of white undersized wings growing from its shoulderblades. It smiled at them with tiny fangs, "Me. I'm Kittybirg, and this - all of this - is my fault."  
  
Hawkgirl pulled out her mace and held it to the tiny thing's throat, "You did all this?"  
  
"Actually," the Kittybirg moved the mace away with a finger, "I also brought your feathery manslave here, so you might as well be thanking me." It stood up to it's full height, not more than three feet, and explained, "This whole thing has been a carefully plotted plan to curb my own boredom and give me an excuse to post on something called an internet forum. I'm sure you all thought you were living out your own lives acording to your own wills, but everything you've done has been up to me."  
  
"You manupulated us for your own amusement?" Wonder Woman asked, astonished and angry.  
  
"Oh, not just mine," the little critter snapped it's blunt fingers. Hammond appeared next to the table. "You see, the android and myself made a deal..." Wonder Woman caught the look in his eyes, and bolted for the door. Hammond simply put his hands behind his back and skipped after her. "Well, it was either this or having to write that idiot into a more serious fic. He had his eye out for the Amazon woman anyway."  
  
"And Katar?" Hawkgirl questioned, obviously not caring for the screams she heard from the other room, "How did he lose his memory? How did he even find his way to Earth?" She noted Green Lantern looking at her from across the table.  
  
"Oh, I brought him here. But my intent was to guide him directly to you while he was still sane. Unfortunetly, some little pony creatures got to him first. I'd assume that the "planetary fart" caused him to repress the previous memory..."  
  
"That doesn't even make sense!" The mace was under Kittybirg's throat again.  
  
"It's not supposed to," it grinned, scooting away, "all you have to know is that I helped you all out. Oh, and I left Greenie there a little present."  
  
Green Lantern perked up, "Present? What?!" But the creature was gone in a puff of green smoke.  
  
"\\...So, wanna go play?\\"  
  
The End.  
  
Or something like it. 


End file.
